On my way back

So I've been able to relax today, which hasn't happened for a while. I don't usually work on Saturdays, but had to last week. I wasn't very happy about it, but didn't really complain because I need the overtime. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I came home so exhausted. My roommate and I went to dinner and shopping after she got off which provided me some relief. I had church and various other things on Sunday, which made my day pretty busy. But today, I was able to sleep in. I don't sleep in very late but I love to do it when I get the chance. I've also been able to read and take naps. I honestly feel like this is the first time in a long time that I've had a day for me. I've had time to relax and just think about things. It's been really nice for me to be able to do that. I think it keeps my sanity and also helps me to work things out in my head. I really enjoy living with my roommate, but it's also very wonderful to have "me" time.

I was thinking about how the meds really are working. I'm not claiming that they have cured me, but they are helping. Anyone that knows me knows that I have quite a temper. It's gotten better as I've aged, but it still was pretty bad. The past week or so, I've felt a lot calmer in my life than I ever have. I don't get frustrated so easily, and I'm a lot more patient. I'm so grateful for that because I was sick of the mood swings that come with depression. I also don't get so angry over very simple things. I do have OCD so some things still get to me, but not the way they have in the past. I'm not having lonely thoughts as much and I'm generally a happier person. I'm hoping that this continues to improve and that I will be able to become an easier person to be around.

Another thing I've contemplated the past few weeks has been my Mom and my relationship with her. We've gone through very difficult times, but she never gave up on me. She had a very difficult time with me the first few years in my life due to a birth defect, and I can only imagine what it was like for her. She was very patient with me, and I am eternally grateful for that. As I grew up, times got a little harder. I remember the hardest thing for me the past few years was coming to USU. She and my step dad brought me up here the first time and walked around with me. As they were leaving, I started to get tears in my eyes and felt so much fear. I remember thinking, "Okay, now what do I do? My Mom is gone...." It was a hard time for me. But because of that and the depression I'm facing, she and I have gotten a lot closer. We talk about every day and I really enjoy that. She laughs at me when I tell her drama in my life but also talks to me when I'm having anxiety. I love her so much and I'm so grateful for everything she's done.

One of the things that has helped me through the years I've been at USU has been my friends. My freshman year, I became friends with one of the basketball players. He was just such a great kid, and he made me laugh. We haven't always had the best relationship, but he was there for me when I needed him the most. As we got older, I watched his career take off, and the national media recognize how talented he is. Through it all, he didn't lose his humility. Over the last year, I've seen him play professionally. I don't talk to him much anymore but I still cherish our friendship.

I can't say enough about my roommate and what her friendship has meant to me. We have gone through difficult times, but the good times completely outweigh the bad. We laugh about the dumbest things and we are able to laugh at each other. We are often asked if we are twins, which used to annoy me. But I've actually started to laugh about it. Her family has become like my family, and my family is like her family. I love talking to her and laughing with her. She is very patient with me and helps me in more ways than she knows.

Well, that's all for now. Not much else has been on my mind.