So after I gave my last post some thought, I figured I was a little too hard on my family, friends, and myself. I know that my family loves me unconditionally, especially my Mom. She has really become the biggest support system I have. I truly enjoy talking to her and I miss her so much! I'm spending most of next weekend with her so I'm looking forward to that! Because of my recent problems, she and I are on the phone a lot. It's made me realize how much I truly love her and look up to her. I know things haven't been easy for her but she has such bravery to deal with life. My siblings and I cause her more grief than we should, but she never complains. She has helped bail me out so much and I'm not just talking financially. She has helped me through panic attacks and I appreciate that so much! She also has helped me through the stress that comes with depression and just plain growing up. Words can't express how I feel about her. She has truly become one of my best friends. I'm so glad to see her happy with my step dad! I know she and I don't always agree on things, but we have learned to move past that. I'm very grateful that she is my Mom and has put up with so much from me. I know I've tried her patience and strength from the minute I was born, but she has never given up. If I'm half the mother she is, I'll consider myself a good mom. I know she reads this and I want her to know that her support and love never goes unnoticed. It may not seem like it, but I do appreciate everything she does for me. Even if I don't understand her all the time.
I do love my brothers, although we don't always see eye to eye. I know they love me, and I love them. But I feel like I had to be completely honest about how I feel, particularly in my last post. One brother in particular has encouraged me to be honest in this blog and hold nothing back. He's promised me that it will benefit me in the end, and if someone's mad, oh well. I really look up to him a lot. He has gone through so much in his life and I know a little of the pain. But in all of it, he hasn't given up; he keeps moving forward. I wish he only knew how much I love him and my other siblings.
I've also thought about how this depression has changed my relationship with my roommate. She and I are able to communicate a lot more. I think a big part of that is due to the medication stabilizing my mood. She and I are able to share our feelings and not worry about hurting the other person. I truly love her and am so glad she has stuck with me through everything. I think she is one of the only people who I can really open up to. She can make me laugh when I need it, even when I really don't want to laugh. I don't think she'll ever really know how much her friendship means to me. She's truly been my best friend through everything. I wish I could do something for her to show my appreciation but I can't think of anything that would be enough.
I'm hoping that no one takes my last post personally and that I haven't offended anyone. I just needed to get those feelings out and get it off my chest.
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